50 Things Bakura ISN'T Allowed to Do
by xObsidian
Summary: The title says it all...but it its very random and made up by me.


**50 Things Bakura ISN'T Allowed To Do: personally, number 7's my favourite.**

I am not allowed to dress up as Harry Potter and poke Ryou with spoons, claiming he is a Hufflepuff then burn all his plushies to see if he cries like a Hufflepuff…

"Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not to be said.

Raisins are for eating, not shoving up random holes in the human body.

I am not allowed to terrorize ducks innocently swimming in ponds with big ass dogs. Or murder any stray ducks that are in my living room.

It is not necessary to yell 'FANSERVICE!' every time Mai Valentine appears. same applies to Tea in her work uniform. applies double to Duke Devlin.

Not allowed to attack anyone, especially Ryou, with sporks, or any other eating utensil.

I will not flirt with pianos, cuss out frogs, claim Hikaru or Kaoru Hitachiin will take over the world, create snapping pillows, say 'thou' and 'shalt' in the same sentence, nutcrackers are not evil, say 'groovy' or 'radical', become 007, fear bras, sing/ dance like Britney Spears or Hannah Montana, put peeps in the microwave and them smash them in Ryou's clothes and books, play with a tape measure, ask Ryou for tampons, wear clothes like Gwen Stefani, Britney Spears, or Paris Hilton, eat small and fluffy/cute animals at the petting zoo to the horror of all the small children, make a rainbow shirt that says 'GAY PRIDE' and wear it, have a man purse or eat chocolate chessmen cookies.

I will not play 'Sexyback' every time Duke Devlin speaks, appears, moves, ect. this goes double to Seto Kaiba

Potato Salad isn't Kira (killer in death note) and I do not have Spidey Senses…

I will not scream "JUST GO AHEAD AND KISS HIM ALREADY!" every time Seto and Joey fight, no matter how funny it is.

Writing angsty M rated fanfiction about Joey and Seto is not funny. neither is fanfiction about Yami and Yugi, even if its Bloody obvious its true.

I'm not allowed to ride in a hover round. Period.

I am not allowed to safety pin blankets to my shoulders and Ryou's claming them to be capes, picking Ryou up holding him under my arm and run around yelling "QUICKLY ROBIN! TO THE BAT MOBILE!" in walmart.

I am not Darth Vader and therefore not permitted to walk around the grocery store in a Darth Vader get-up telling people I am their father especially people named Luke.

I am not allowed to sing the Llama song. Or Sing karaoke. Especially with Marik.

I am not a fairy princess and am to allowed to streak in a fancy dress up tiara with purple and pink feathers claiming I am one.

Ryou is not a My Little Pony and I am not allowed to saddle him up and attempt to ride him down the street.

- nor is Ryou a rainbow unicorn.

-or gay unicorn named Feathers, Cadillac, or Tom Cruise.

I will not impersonate cops. Ever.

I am not Dumbledore. or Santa. And shouldn't tell kids I am.

I will not yell 'THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" every time Ryou enters a room, as I am British myself.

I am under NO circumstances allowed to colour Ryou's hair rainbow with sharpie while he is sleeping.

I do not possess magical powers and will not yell "BECAUSE I HAVE MAGICAL POWERS!" and wiggle my fingers like a gay every time I am asked why I did something.

I am not allowed to kidnap Mokuba for fun, or for any other reason. Ever.

I am not Austin Powers and therefore, should not ask Ryou 'Are you randy, baby?' and try to come on to him every five minutes.

I am not allowed to harass emos on myspace.

- this includes the writer of this list and Sasuke Uichia, whose name I spelled whose name I spelled wrong

I am not allowed to call Seto 'Voldemort' or call him 'The Dark Lord', as he gets pissed. I may call him Dumbassdore though.

I am not a vampire and mustn't bite old ladies then mug them.

No gnawing on Ryou's furniture and/or grazing on his hair, claiming it to be grass. As I am not a cow. Tea, however, is.

Machinery doesn't talk, so I should stop insisting that it does.

I am not allowed candy for any reason.

The French toast is not evil. nor is it giving me the eye.

No food is out to get me this doesn't include French toast and crème cheese.

I am not allowed to make 'Your mom!' or 'you're grandmamma!' comebacks.

I am not allowed to touch anything electronic.

Ryou is not my 'secret lover' and I am not allowed to try to rape him in public.

I am not ever allowed to go off with an Ishtar boy alone. EVER. this goes for both Yami and Hikari.

I am not Kaname Kuran from Vampire Knight, and Ryou is not Zero Kiryu, so I should stop trying to bite him.

I am not allowed to cosplay as Sasuke and then force Ryou to cosplay as Naruto so we can Yaoi cosplay.

I am not allowed to tell Duke Devlin I have more fan girls than him. or complain about his sweet ass.

I am not Aido Hanabusa. or L, so I should not randomly scream 'BANG!' at Jou and Seto while they're having sex…

I am not the Transvestite from Rocky Horror, so I need to stop wearing leather lingerie.

I am not Jesus or the Easter Bunny, and shouldn't go around telling small Christian children that I am the reincarnation of the Easter bunny AND Jesus.

I will not tell Seto and Mokuba or Jou and Shizuka that incest isn't the answer.

Seto Kaiba is not my sugar daddy.

I will not wear bell bottom pants. Or apple bottom jeans. It turns Ryou on…

I am not the raisin in the Raisin Bran that makes the Raisin Bran taste good…but I do however, fear the spoon.

69 is not the answer to everything, but it IS the answer in bed.

Ryou pinned the list he had made everywhere in the house. Lately, his Yami had been…well, doing everything on the list…

He then looked out the window to see Bakura trying to sell Seto Jou for a buck fifty. He sighed and added one last thing to the list.

51. Bakura isn't allowed to sell Jou to Seto, no matter HOW bad Seto wants to sex him.

**Jessi: Lol…that was so random.**

**Bakura: Rather pointless if you ask- HEY! I can't wear black leather lingerie anymore?!**

**Seto: NO! It's EXTREMELY disturbing.**

**Bakura: -mutters about how he never has any fun-**

**Seto: Well review this lame ass thing if you want, but Jessi doesn't really care. She's laughing her ass off at the moment. I AM….I'VE GOT THE POWER!!**

**Jessi: -typing in Seto's dialogue- **

**Seto: THE FUCK!?**

**Jessi: Oh, I just like fucking with you…**

**Seto: 'I like fucking with-**

**Jessi: -Backspace-**

**Seto: 'I like fucking Jou!'**

**Jessi: TMI…**

**Bakura: Dude, that's Hardcore.**


End file.
